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Running with aliens

I've often wondered if aliens run. Since they spend so much time zipping around the universe on their extended, far-reaching missions, they've got to do something physical. I bet they have treadmills in their spaceships. Or, maybe while investigating Earth, they come down for a run on solid ground. Maybe they enter runs.

I checked finisher lists for a bunch of races around the country. I didn't find one name that looked alien except a 2012 "Boston Marathon" finisher named Zy Dwaak. But his hometown was listed as Arlington, Virginia.

I searched for people who've had contact with aliens. At Ihadareallyweirdexperiencewithaliens.com I got a list of names. It took several tries, but I finally found someone who gave me answers.

Hans Harzl of Steiermark, Austria was out for a run one evening when bright lights and a loud whoosh filled the air. A spacecraft landed nearby and a gaggle of aliens poured out.

"I was extremely frightened," Hans said. "I kicked it into high gear, but they caught up and surrounded me. I yelled, 'Don't probe me, don't probe me,' but all they did was run with me."

Hans said they went a few miles together before they turned back. The aliens told him, in perfect German, they wanted to go for a run and happened to see him.

Hans added, "They were in great shape – weren't even breathing hard. I think they could've run me into the ground if they wanted. They gave me a couple training tips and wished me good luck in my upcoming half-marathon."

"They never did probe you?"

"Before they left, I brought it up. I got them to agree to some mutual probing, and it worked out very, very well."

"Mutual probing? What's that exactly? Sounds like something sexual."

Hans smiled. "Aliens are actually very, very friendly. I really like them."

Credits - WorldwideRunning.com would like to thank the blog Imustruneverywhere (www.imustruneverywhere.com) for the authorization to reprint the article "Aliens Offer Training Tips to Runner" by Jim Johnson.