Skewed Running

 Serial road race arrow alterer arrested - Federal Running Administration (FRNA) special agents assisted by Rochester Police arrested Howard Grotke early Sunday morning, the man they believe is the serial race course direction arrow alterer who has terrorized race directors in several States over a three year period.
 Mad Runner Disease spreads - During one of his long weekend runs, Fred Hunter became disoriented and severely dehydrated, finally collapsing dead in a remote area far from his usual training routes. When an autopsy revealed dozens of half-inch diameter marbles that had formed within his brain tissue, Mad Runner Disease was listed as the official cause of death.
 Expensive self-serve water stations anger runners - With no plans to abandon the traditional staffed water stations at its many races, Phoenix-based Arizona Road Racers is bucking a trend that some foresighted analysts say could soon make free water expeditiously handed out by volunteers as rare as full service gasoline stations and hot meals on airplanes.
 Disabled runner may drive SUV in marathon, says Supreme Court - Reversing a 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decision, the Supreme Court Friday ruled 5 to 4 that disabled runner Steven Sirota may drive his 2000 Chevrolet Suburban in next month's "Macrohard Lakeside Marathon" near Seattle, though with several stipulations, some of which are highly technical in nature.
 Genetically modified runners escape from lab - Three long distance runners who had recently undergone experimental leg muscle implantation of genetically modified kangaroo cells, escaped from the research laboratory at Stony Brook University Hospital. The three were part of a controversial project known as Super Runner, created by geneticist Dr. Lee Crandall.
 Running logs show exaggerated mileage - On a crisp Sunday afternoon last month, Lou Aurichio finished an out-and-back training run along a popular pathway that follows the Lake Michigan shoreline. Measuring 5.4 miles, the route is one he runs regularly a couple times a week, year-round. A week earlier, Aurichio agreed to have his favorite running route measured after being approached by someone from the Extra Miles Project.
 Runaway runner stopped by giant cakes of tofu - It was supposed to be a routine 10-mile point-to-point downhill training run, one that 43-year-old Sedric Sankie, who craved the fast pace, had been doing a couple times a month. His wife Julie would drive him up to the start from their home in town. Then she'd wait for him five miles down the hill where he'd stop for water and a gulp of sport drink. But this time it would be different.
 Runner pleads guilty to attempted bribery of track coach - Runner Jim Tunkcart, pleaded guilty to a charge of attempted bribery involving Spencerport High School track coach Ray Emerson. In court testimony, Tunkcart recounted how over a four year period he gave Emerson an undetermined number of Miller High Life 12-packs, in exchange for the incorporation of additional 200 meter intervals in the Wednesday evening track workouts at the high school.
 Runners too thin, says Surgeon General - Newly confirmed U.S. Surgeon General Richard Carmona unveiled a high-priority program that seeks to bulk runners up with a combination of nutritional education, exercise reduction, and millions of free cheeseburgers and thick-shakes. "Over-exercised and undernourished, runners threaten to slow America's rapid progress toward the goal of becoming the fattest people in the universe", he explained.
 Beer pipeline break worries roadracers - Last week's beer pipeline rupture in the desert west of Phoenix has disrupted supplies and created concerns at the Arizona Road Racers. Anticipating a beer shortage at its "Thanksgiving Day Classic", the club's Board of Directors met in emergency session to formulate contingency plans and to prepare for a meeting later this week with State and federal regulators and representatives from the pipeline owner, Gulf Midstream.
 Iraq has weaponized running shoes, White House claims - The Secretary of State believes that there is irrefutable evidence that Iraq has successfully mated a can of Pam cooking spray to the Saddam 3000 running shoe. The U.S. President will urge the United Nations to pass a forceful resolution requiring Iraq to immediately dismantle the modified shoes, submit to unrestricted inspections, and abandon its orthotic development program.
 Natural disasters, O.J., wreak havoc with California road racing - As Governor Pete Wilson and Federal Running Administration (FRNA) Director Patricia Habib helicoptered over the washed-out course of the "Sun Coast 12K", running officials statewide scrambled to put races back on schedule, reassure corporate sponsors, and alley growing fears in the running community in the wake of a series of natural disasters that have turned road racing upside down.

Since September 7, 2007 - © Aerostato, Seattle - All Rights Reserved.

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