Running humour

  26.2 ways you know you are a marathoner - The first and most important item in this checklist is that you know how many miles there are in a marathon, but this hilarious article features 25.2 more ways you could find out if you are a runner bound and dedicated to this fascinating distance.
 How many calories for eating a brain? - To my fellow joggers... we live in an anxious time. If you are going to run on a foggy morning, be ready, for there are men with axes who might mistake you for the undead. This is why we always stretch before we run.
 Why triathletes are bad dates - "I don't understand," he was saying, "I'm a nice guy but I must be doing something wrong." I just nodded not wanting to waste my limited breath. "It just doesn't make sense," he continued, "tell me what I'm doing wrong."
 How far do I need to run to burn off my psychoses? - When I started out at the gym, I was out of shape, overweight, and had the lung capacity of a chipmunk. However, I was completely sane and had never had a single thought about exercise machines trying to control my mind.
 Why trail running is better than sex - A growing list of funny reasons why trail running is better than having sexual intercourses.
 Social Media explained to runners - Have you ever asked yourself what social media is? Can you wrap your head around the various Facebooks, Twitters, Foursquares or any other site that allows interaction between users? Here is a quick reference card for runners.
 Jogging for donuts - My eyes popped open at 3:30 a.m., leaving me restless. Since I could not sleep, the question became, "What do I do at this hour?" I could exercise. So I ventured out doors, thinking, "I can walk to the bakery and get a donut".
 The side effects of jogging - Several of my friends and acquaintances have recently taken up running... or maybe they're jogging. Different people seem to refer to it with different names and everyone believes that they are correct. As an outsider, I can't tell the difference so I'm content in assuming they are the same thing.
 Don't ever tell Forrest Gump you're a runner! - It's hard to hate Forrest. He's as sweet as shrimp ice cream plus the guy runs 15 miles just to get to my place, so I really shouldn't be a wimp about a mere three miles... but it was raining. And it was dark. Combining the two meant that I kept stepping into puddles. My socks were soaked. My sweatpants were soaked. My sweatshirt was soaked.
  Crazy man goes for run when it's 7 degrees - The good news was that the alarm clock pulled me out of a horrible nightmare. The bad news was that once I had gathered my wits, I realized it was 5:26 on a Monday morning, the temperature was probably hovering around zero, and I had made the crazy decision that I was going to start off the week with a run.
  Eat your way to faster running - Eating whatever you want is a freedom many runners enjoy, but if you want to fine-tune your body into a PR-producing machine, you should follow the guidelines of the Strategic Nourishment And Replenishment Program (SNARP), the diet choice of many Olympic runners and top-rated marathoners, devised after years of extensive research.
  Surrendering to the Siren's song of the treadmill - I had sworn off running on a treadmill because I realized it was slowly driving me insane. I have been running outside and loving it. I made running on a treadmill a line in the sand that I refused to cross. Have I ever bothered to mention that I can be incredibly stubborn at time? But then...
 Toward more efficient jogging - A humorous essay with suggestions on how to channel the energy that all runners waste, frivolously and selfishly, while running and put it to better use.
  Running with aliens - I've often wondered if aliens run. Since they spend so much time zipping around the universe I bet they have treadmills in their spaceships. Or, maybe while investigating Earth, they come down for a run on solid ground. Maybe they enter runs. It took several tries, but I finally found someone who gave me answers.
  Slower than a speeding raindrop - I discovered that, apparently, I am not faster than a speeding raindrop, but I also realized that the real superheroes are the people who get out there every day and exercise despite the weather, the aches and pains, or the temptation of staying in bed under the warm covers. They may not wear capes and masks, but most of them do have on spandex.

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